5.29.2006

Operation JOE M.A.M.A. (Episode I)

In the cold drizzle of a typical winter morning in Everett, Washington one man embarked on a United States Warship with a dream, a mission and...........a doll. His codename is "Danny Boy," his mission, escort G.I. Joe on his travels around the world. This is his story........

My ship left for their six month deployment a while ago* and I sent G.I. Joe with them for good luck and asked for the guys to send pictures of Joe on his travels. "Danny Boy," has reported an overwhelming enthusiasm among the crew for Operation JOE M.A.M.A. He has been standing watch, troubleshooting equipment, drinking beer in exotic lands and enjoying a variety of other wholesome Navy** activities. So without further delay, in honor of Memorial Day, here is the first part of the Operation JOE M.A.M.A. series.......

Life on the Big Blue

UNDERWAY!! Joe has kissed his wives goodbye
and bid farewell to his loved ones and takes one last look
at homeport before the ship heads out to sea.


There's a hell of a lot of ocean on this planet and steaming from port to port leads to a lot of time stuck in that tin can with the same 400 faces day in and day out. G.I. Joe is a Firecontrolman(FC), one of the proudest rates in the Navy. The FCs are those onboard who make the difference between cruise liner and warship. FCs love to be at sea, as they say "Land is nothing but a navigation hazard, Arrrrrrrrr." Since G.I. Joe left the States he has spent a lot of time working. Every day he must stand watch, sometimes he even stands a couple of watches in a day:
"Hey Meat I'm outta pistachios up here........
.....I don't CARE if you're duct-taping the div-o to the ceiling.....
.....I'm @#$&'in hungry man!!!"

Navy equipment is often designed by the lowest bidder. This is the reason that the FCs have such great job security. Equipment breaks often and only the freakishly intelligent (and handsome) FCs have the skills to troubleshoot it. Gooooooooo JOE!
"Well I've tried eveything else," Joe said as he lifted the rifle to his shoulder.....


As anybody who has been in the Navy can tell you, the mess decks offer up a wide variety of delicious, nutritious, gourmet foods. Sailors often continue coming to the ship for dinner even when they return to homeport because the food is just so much better than any cheeseburger or steak or lobster you could get on land...........what? I'm serious...haha...ok......no, the food really leaves something to be desired, but there's usually a lot of it!! Refer to the equation: Quantity>Quality..........this formula seems to find it's way into a lot of aspects of Navy life:
"Wow, these chicken wings are awfully small.....hey
sir, have you noticed there haven't been any gulls around recently?"

Sometime there is even time for a little fun and games to pass the time between ports.....playing cards have been keeping sailors busy since the days of the tall ship:

"I'm all in b*tches!" Joe exclaims exuberantly.

What foreign lands will Joe see? Will the Navy recruiting slogan "Let the adventure begin" live up to its promises.......stay tuned for episode II: Hong Kong Phooey vs. G.I. Joe.

Happy Memorial Day Everyone!
Operation Joe M.A.M.A is dedicated to those men and women who have served or are currently serving in our nation's defense.




*
In the interest of national security and the safety of my brothers in the Navy, the timeline of this series has been falsified, the names of ports and order in which they were visited may have been changed.

**This site is in no way affiliated with the United States Navy. Opinions and technical information are generated purely by the semi-twisted mind of the author.

2 comments:

dad said...

All right! I've been waiting for the Joe M.A.M.A. series to begin. I hear that he is one tough S.O.B. So far it looks like he has got the crew, particularly Dan, right where he wants them.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Hahahahahahaha, oh, my god, that is hilarious. Awesome! Can't wait for the next installment.